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18 Dezember Will wonders never cease????????????? Apparantly notOH MY GOSH!!! I can't believe it FINALLY let me sign in ... it's been practically a year!! Stupid MSN BETA AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'd given up trying!!
Ok I'll be back spouting random rubbish (as usual!!!!) but first I gotta visit the chippie shop as the builders are busy wrecking my kitchen so I can't have my usual healthy meal of frozen pizza to aid me with my revision.
Peace out
 (The computer's going to crash again isn't it ...) 19 März My voice will haunt your teacupI decided to philosophise about life; or rather philosophise about philosophising. Then I changed my mind. This happens a lot.
I had written a very socially aware blog but I really wanted to add pictures to it, and seeing as this clever space doesn't allow me to, you're stuck with this. You're probably well out of it, wasn't the most engaging piece of writing. Not that this is, but why are you reading it then? I have noticed something though. Excuse me while I pretend to remember what it is but in truth examine the shine on my nails. Oh hello, there you are!
Oops I nearly fell on my printer (actually it's a printer/scanner/photocopier so there) and that would have been bad. I did drop something on it though, and I'm not telling you what.
If only food was knowledge, then I'd be able to eat lots and not study. Hey! I do that anyway so it's fine. Or not ... seeing as it would lead to failure ...
(*sits in a corner and acts moody*)
(*evil stares-evil stares*).
Nothing new then.
So hows life? Suspiciously like living, you know.
(...some hours later)
I'm back. Just watched '28 Days Later' to see my bee-yoo-tiful city. Isn't it funny how you never find the remote control when you want to, and when you do, the buttons don't work. Oh, it's not the same with you? I must simply be lucky.
I've decided I like the song 'Nature's Law' (Embrace) not that you care, it's a thought that flitted through my head.
Bleach. Nothing in particular, I just saw an ad about it.
Watch out for chickens.
Over and out.
Ms Hazel Witch 24 Februar Excellent advice"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. "
15 Februar *nudge, nudge, wink, winkI AM IN LOVE ...
with KRISPY KREME donuts
If you haven't tried them you haven't lived!!
Trust me (!?) they're all you could wish for:
...teeth sticking together
...and icing sugar on my lips -
what more does a girl need? 09 Februar a note not to quoteMaybe I should say something besides jokes and drippy poetry.
Well, I haven't felt suicidal for a while.
I wondered what I looked like upside down, so I thought I'd tilt my head in the mirror. Try it. Didn't work.
Anyone in a bad mood? Apparantly I have a skill for getting people out of them. If only I hadn't been the one to put them there in the first place.
I'm so distracted, I was putting on my socks, and thought something looked strange. I'd put on white pop socks. On top of mid length black socks. On top of knee high stripy pink socks (my favourite).
Another thing, I'm probably making myself slightly hearing impaired, can't hear the other voice in my head anymore.
Do you know what I hate? Threatening forwards. You know the kind, they end with "if you don't forward this to 200 million people you will mutate into a miniture version of King Kong (without fingers).
Also the 'what do you think of me' ones that i get from people i hardly know. Yeah maybe I shouldn't have painted my e-mail address on the wall in that dark alleyway. Hey, I was in a gang then. The 'we abuse lipstick, toy barbies and pillows' gang. The secrets of my past. 30 Januar ...The Mule
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."
"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead."
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.'
* * * 24 Januar I lay it on the table for you to stabTrees in Technicolour
Stepping carefully
Ms Hazel Witch - 2006 18 Januar for your considerationThat's it!
I can't stand emotional twittery for any length of time.
What exactly am I doing here?? Certainly not studying which I should be.
Interesting thing happened today. Just not to me.
Nearly crashed though. About ten times. Nothing new then.
I'm not going to get women driver jokes now am I???
Well here's for you then:
It's all in the punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing." 15 Januar I want ice cream cake   It appears I'm only taken seriously if I add jokes. Lovely. General bad temper doesn't please anyone I guess. The thing is, when I'm most depressed I make the most jokes. How ironic.
I laugh to remind myself how low I really feel. I get an insane pleasure from feeling miserable.
Wait, could I be wrong?? Does laughing actually make me feel better? Oh, the horrors.
Hey, if I was really suicidal, would I be here, as opposed to a nice bridge? Although knowing my contrary nature (which you don't) I'd probably change my mind at the last moment. Hmm, maybe I should learn how to swim?
05 Januar WANTED: A Title!When I'm depressed I eat.
Ms Hazel Witch - 2005
Okay that's one of the worst pieces I've written, and trust me that is saying something! But it goes with the pic!
Hey, I know it's all low key and sunny, but if I wrote what I'm really thinking I'd get arrested.
BUT I haven't named it soooooo any ideas??? 01 Januar What did you resolve?NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T
BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD 16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
Try this link!
New Year!Happy New Year Everyone!
Is anyone else half deaf from fireworks?
Wait did someone just call me? Must be the wind.
Don't quote them. You can't pull it off:
The tiger springs in the new year. Us he devours.
-T.S. Eliot An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-Bill Vaughan I stay up for chocolate.
I was Being Prepared:
Did you know that an old English superstition states that you will have good luck through the New Year if your first visitor of the year is a tall, dark-haired man?
That's why I kidnapped them certain someone. So now you know.
Need at least one excellent joke of course!!!
Annette: "Hey - Did you hear about the big New Year's party on the moon?"
Antoine: "Yeah - it's got a great buffet, but no atmosphere!" It was no good. The only food was cheese.
29 Dezember (guilty giggles)what's the hardest thing about skydiving?
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The ground I need some light relief. Or heavy relief.Lame kiddie jokes. You know the kind. So how dare they make me giggle!?
Max:I'm sorry my son can't come to school.
Secretary:Who is this?
Max:This is my mom.
Wish I'd tried that one.
TEACHER:Max,how many letters are in the alphabet?
MAX:18. TEACHER:That is incorrect.There are 26. MAX:there used to be 26, but E.T went home in a U.F.O and the C.I.A went after him. What in the - ?? I wont try to comprehend the minds of some.
Why was the moon not hungry?
Because it was full
Well lucky moon because now I'm hungry. Let's see, ant soup, spider soup or beetle soup ... hmm... so many choices ... 20 Dezember don't be cheekyMaths And Logic
There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives...
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........
(And those of you who thought it would be a dirty ending, Pray for forgiveness you heathens!)
(Ummm ... I guess that means me ...)(*shifty look*) 19 Dezember need a clue? . . . Great Female Comebacks
Man "Haven't we met before?"
Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man "Is this seat empty?"
Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man "Your place or mine?"
Woman "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman "It's in the phone book." Man "But I don't know your name."
Woman "That's in the phone book too." Man "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman "I'm a female impersonator." Man "What sign were you born under?"
Woman "No Parking." Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman "Do not Enter" Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman "Unfertilized" Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!" Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?" Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone." Man "I want to give myself to you."
Woman "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts." Man "I can tell that you want me."
Woman "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave." Man "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing." Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.." Man "Your body is like a temple."
Woman "Sorry, there are no services today." Man "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman "Good! Let's start with your bank account." Man "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman "Yes, but would you stay there?" 17 Dezember YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.Is it just me or are boys (most of them are still boys)
UNBELIEVABLY CLUELESS??!!
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."
I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. 09 Dezember What do you see?So where are those artists who'll criticise my scribbles???
Look at pictures then!
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Lonely day.
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 ....................................... (p.s listening to Nirvana)(also hope acCount D is feeling better!)
............................(i.e John) 04 Dezember I present ...Okay, here's something to see.
A friend told me to express myself. Although they aren't talking to me at the moment ... long story, my fault.
 Dear me, you can tell I'm an amateur can't you. Hee hee she dares to ask. |
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