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19 Februar Do I LOOK like a chain-saw murderer? Wait ... don't answer that ...I'm eating a stolen MILKY WAY do you know. SO that's the end of the Galaxy too then. Including Mars. It's strange how the universe tastes of chocolate (and glucose syrup and vegetable fat and demineralised whey powder).
How exactly would a buttercup break one's heart. Today was the worst day EVER. Bizzy bizzy bizzy. I was rude to *counts* to THREE different people. Well ... the same person with a split personality.
How I miss being a blockhead of a teenager. Now I no longer have a reason to be moody, apparantly.
I spend my time eavesdropping on people on the Tube (i.e. THE LONDON UNDERGROUND for you country folk :p). Well, there's not a lot to do when you're trying hard not to breathe!
It makes me laugh when the driver says "Please stand back from the doors ladies and gentlemen, there is another train RIGHT behind this one". There are always people who believe him!
(like me ... :( ... so end up late for my first lecture :D yippee)
A driver once said (they get bored too) ... "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."
I'm sorry to say no such thing happened. Oops I mean I'm glad to say. How scandalous. OK, so I wasn't actually there, but I could have been!
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
And WHY doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
P.S. Skinny builders are HOT, you know it's true ;) :p 24 Februar Excellent advice"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. "
30 Januar ...The Mule
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule."
"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead."
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once.'
* * * 01 Januar What did you resolve?NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T
BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD 16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.
9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
Try this link!
New Year!Happy New Year Everyone!
Is anyone else half deaf from fireworks?
Wait did someone just call me? Must be the wind.
Don't quote them. You can't pull it off:
The tiger springs in the new year. Us he devours.
-T.S. Eliot An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-Bill Vaughan I stay up for chocolate.
I was Being Prepared:
Did you know that an old English superstition states that you will have good luck through the New Year if your first visitor of the year is a tall, dark-haired man?
That's why I kidnapped them certain someone. So now you know.
Need at least one excellent joke of course!!!
Annette: "Hey - Did you hear about the big New Year's party on the moon?"
Antoine: "Yeah - it's got a great buffet, but no atmosphere!" It was no good. The only food was cheese.
29 Dezember (guilty giggles)what's the hardest thing about skydiving?
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The ground I need some light relief. Or heavy relief.Lame kiddie jokes. You know the kind. So how dare they make me giggle!?
Max:I'm sorry my son can't come to school.
Secretary:Who is this?
Max:This is my mom.
Wish I'd tried that one.
TEACHER:Max,how many letters are in the alphabet?
MAX:18. TEACHER:That is incorrect.There are 26. MAX:there used to be 26, but E.T went home in a U.F.O and the C.I.A went after him. What in the - ?? I wont try to comprehend the minds of some.
Why was the moon not hungry?
Because it was full
Well lucky moon because now I'm hungry. Let's see, ant soup, spider soup or beetle soup ... hmm... so many choices ... 20 Dezember don't be cheekyMaths And Logic
There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives...
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........
(And those of you who thought it would be a dirty ending, Pray for forgiveness you heathens!)
(Ummm ... I guess that means me ...)(*shifty look*) |
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